"Do not conform to the pattern of the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2
This verse, along with the rest of Romans 12:1-18, was the memory work given to the staff of Camp Mini-Yo-We in the summer of 2008. At one point, I did have it memorized, but with the years and the lack of practice, I don't quite remember the middle bit... and some of the end is foggy. But this one verse has stuck with me.
Be Transformed. Do Not Conform. Be Transformed.
What does it mean to live for Christ? I'm not sure I really know. At one point, I had an idea, but lately I've been feeling all kerfuffled and conflabulated (no sense, eh?). I feel like I don't know HOW to live for Christ and I feel like I don't know WHAT it looks like. But I REALLY WANT to. I want to live for Christ and I want to want to live for Christ.
For some, that might be a weird concept. I want to explain it, and I wish I could explain it well, but I always feel like I butcher my words. Even now I feel like my fingers are fumbling at the keys as I try to figure out how best to articulate my thoughts in coherent sentences.
Currently, at my youth group we're going through the I Am Second series. If you don't know what that is, I suggest you look it up on youtube because it's a really cool series. This past week the pastor started talking about the Ten Commandments. He started by asking who among us had ever lied. Every hand went up. Who had ever coveted? Who had ever disobeyed their parents? Who had... And on it went. For every question, every hand was raised.
I don't often think about my own sin. I know it's there like an ever looming shadow, but I try to look the other way. As each question came, I felt myself shrink in size as the darkness seemed to grow. I was reminded: I am a terrible person. As much as I try to do the right things, I'm guilty of sin. I can't live perfectly because I am human and my nature is sin. And yet, despite my imperfection--despite my monstrous flaw, God chose to love me. He chose to send his son to take the punishment of my inequity so that one day I can meet him Face to Face. Talk about awe-inspiring.
For me, that is world changing. Spin-my-world-off-it's-axis and shoot-me-to-the-moon-changing. He made the ultimate sacrifice. He gave his perfection, his life, for my imperfection, my death. How can that not resonate within me? How can I ignore that--pretend that it's nothing?
Simply, I can't.
Nor do I think I should.
I want to live my life for Christ because I love and want to love him. He saved me. I don't want to because I "think" it's the right thing. I want to because I know I'm not worthy of his sacrifice, and yet he did it anyway. I want to because I know Christ has been, is and will always be my rock. I want to because I know that without him, I'm a pool of goo-losh.
Without Christ, I am nothing.