I am shards of emotion, swept together like a pile of broken glass. The edges are raw and sharp, and as I look down at my pieces shattered on the floor, I wonder how I ever fit whole together.
A few days ago, I asked one of my friends if it would be acceptable for me to run around screaming, hands waving in the air. She advised me to do it behind closed doors, if I must, which made me laugh. And while I probably won't actually run around screaming--I mean, this isn't a Disney or Family channel TV show, or anything--I do feel like a mess of emotions waiting to explode.
Saturday I will be flying to another country, in another continent, not for vacation, but to live for a year. It's not a simple thing to come back home if I miss my parental units or if I have forgotten something. What's more, I'm going to a country where the main language isn't English. I will be completely out of my element.
Scared? Oh yeah. I feel confident in saying that I am terrified. What if something goes wrong? What if I have trouble adjusting or making friends? What if I don't like it? These thoughts nag at the edge of my consciousness.
And yet I am also excited. More excited for this adventure than many other things I have done to date. When I think about the coming year, I get a goofy grin on my face and I can't wait! It's hard to believe that I leave in just a few short days. When I first accepted the job in January, August seemed so far away, but now I stand on the threshold. I've been waiting for this moment for so long and it is finally here.
I think it's okay to be emotional at this time. It's okay to feel topsy-turvy and upside down. It's weird, and a little unnerving at times, but it's okay. After all, it is a huge change. It would be weirder to not feel anything, I suppose...
And am I fully packed yet? Nope. Not quite.